Lindsey Graham From Across The Pond

 

      My friend Nigel is  Brit. We met while traveling years ago and hit it off. He stays in touch by phone now and then.
     He called the other day to check on my welfare during the pandemic.  And then he moved on to other matters. The conversation went this way.

     Nigel: "I say old friend, I know that we usually avoid discussing politics, but I have a question that cries out to be answered."

     Me: "About what?"

     Nigel: "That senator of yours, Lindsey Graham."

     Me: "What about him?"

     Nigel: "Is he barking mad?"

     Me: "Well, I can understand how you might wonder."

     Nigel: "Damn straight. He spend years denouncing and ridiculing Trump, and now he's all but kissing the orange cretin on the lips."

     Me: "I think the kiss might land on the other side of his anatomy, but I take your point."

     Nigel: "So, what is the bloke up to?"

     Me: "Well, Trump has political clout inside the Republican Party, and Graham argues that he's just being realistic. He says he wants to remain relevant."

     Nigel: "Relevant to what? With values of that sort, a fellow would justify being relevant in a two-dollar whorehouse."

     Me: "I agree. But of course Graham is not the only politician aiming to court the Trump loyalists."

     Nigel: "I'll say. There is that woman from Georgia who says aliens planted transmitters in her molars or some such thing. And then there is that young ruffian from Missouri."

     Me: "Senator Hawley went to Yale."

     Nigel: "And the Unabomber went to Harvard. God's teeth, man, you've got fruitcakes and thugs running your country."

     Me: "Well, they aren't exactly running it. And anyhow, Trump energized them, and there they are."

     Nigel: "Why did you elect him? He's a thief. He's fleecing his own supporters. He does it openly. Don't send your money to the Republican Party. Send it to me."

     Me: "He's got a lot of legal trouble. My guess is he'll say the actions against him are politically motivated and use the donations to pay lawyers.  And, in a technical manner of speaking, you could say that we didn't actually choose him."

     Nigel: "Whatever do you mean?"

     Me: "He lost the popular vote in both presidential elections. And in the Republican primaries, back where it all started, there were so many candidates in the field that the vote was splintered. He could win a primary by getting more votes than any other single candidate without actually winning a majority of the votes cast."

     Nigel: "I don't understand your system."

     Me: "Unfortunately, many of us don't, either."

     Nigel: "Which brings us back to that fellow Graham. He seems to keep himself in the news a lot."

     Me: "Yes, he does."

     Nigel: "That would appear to be the behavior of an ambitious man."

     Me:  "I think he aspires to have a long career in politics, yes."

     Nigel: "And he aims to succeed in this by proving that his word is worthless and he's half a bubble off plumb?  Did he actually say that Trump is 'magic' ?" 

     Me: "Words of that sort, yes."

     Nigel: "And these other politicians who want a bigger lick of the ice cream. If a bloc of voters said the moon is made of green cheese, they would agree?"

     Me: "In a manner of speaking, some would, yes."

     Nigel: "They would propagate an extravagant lie!"

     Me: "Among some, it appears to be a tactic nowadays."

     Nigel: "But you wouldn't call it leadership, would you?"

     Once again I had to agree. Then it was time to wind up the call. Ordinarily one would finish by inviting a friend to visit, but Nigel refuses to travel to the United States. 

     He says he's afraid of being shot by one of the "gun-toters" -- which by Nigel's estimate includes just about everyone between Canada and Mexico.  He is one of those Europeans who feel down deep that Americans are upstarts in the civilization business.  When we talk, I can't resist twitting him just a little.

     Me: "Nigel, it's always good talking to you. Fun and food for thought. And about this subject of zaniness and extremes in political maneuver, I'll offer two words to you."

     Nigel: "What's are they?"

     Me: "Boris Johnson."

     Nigel did chuckle. He's really an all right bloke.