Love Is Elemental

                                                        If I don't love you
                                                       Grits ain't groceries
                                                       Eggs ain't poultry
                                                      And Mona Lisa was a man
                                                                               Blues Lyric


     Two of our dearest friends are getting married. We are watching the wedding preparations with eager anticipation -- from a comfortable distance.
     Perhaps some day the lords of irony will explain why weddings may be a test of mettle. Who should be invited? Who will understand that not everyone can be? Will a thousand details fall into place? If they don't, what is Plan B?
     Meanwhile, out of earshot but known full well to the couple, friends take it upon themselves to meddle vicariously. Do they "approve"?  Did the couple make an impulsive decision? Are the  particulars of the ceremony appealing? Is it scheduled  too soon? Not soon enough?
     At our house, "approval" of this wedding is hearty and heartfelt.  We have watched these two with fingers crossed. We thought they were right for each other.
     They reached their  decision about that in their own time and way. They have been in  a relationship for several years, and have lived together for several of those. They have worked at learning how to be good for and to each other. They have not rushed or jumped to their conclusion. In my view they have built, piece by careful piece, a model of loving commitment.
     Some would argue that it's not a valid model, because both partners in the relationship are men.  This prejudice, I hope, is on its way to being erased from the public norms of our country. Above the personal and private detail of their gender, the marriage our friends are building fits every value held by healthy societies.
     They will have to weather yet awhile the pandering of some politicians to zealous factions. (Most recently, the Trump administration has stacked a so-called human rights commission with anti-gay activists. Of course the Trump administration befouls everything it touches, but others have  also been willing to exploit innocent American citizens, even from the White House. The second President Bush abased himself with a pose of support for an anti-gay constitutional amendment that he knew could never pass.)
    This brand of cold-hearted cynicism will not prevail in the long term against the larger public's rapid embrace of gay marriage. Across the arc of human years, love has transcended boundaries of age, race, religion, ethnicity and more. Now we come to gender, and once again to the life lesson that love validates itself beyond the power of others to ban.
     Or, as the blues-man might phrase it: Love is love. Period. And if that ain't so, grits ain't groceries.