I got another letter from Uncle Barlow the other day. He writes me sometimes when he's troubled or confused.
I should explain that I'm not sure he's really my uncle. Some in the family say he's Aunt Hettie's love child and not really her baby brother. I guess nobody ever came right out and asked her. She was not the kind of person you question.
And I should mention that I'm not sure Barlow is really his name. It could be. Out in the country where he lives, just about every other person is named Barlow. Even the county is named Barlow. So, it could be his name, or it could be a geographic nickname, like Tex or Scotty.
Any how, here's what he had to say.
"Dear Nephew,
"We've got a situation here in Barlow County. Oh, my, do we have a situation. It's not as bad as the time the loading door on the grain elevator gave way and main street got covered with corn. (An avalanche of corn is a sight to see, let me tell you.) But it's a mess.
"You see, Millie over at the library has got herself into a big wrangle with her bosses on the library board of directors. She wrote a letter to the Barlow Clarion saying that this fellow Mitt Romney was a spoiled rich guy who didn't really understand ordinary people. But half the library board is rich people, and they took offense, and told Millie she should keep her opinions to herself.
"Well, Millie is one of the sort who get all stiff-necked if you say boo to them. She said she was entitled to her opinions, and she would speak them if she pleased. And then she commenced to speaking them, oh boy, did she ever.
"I must say, it appears to me that Millie may have a point or two on her side when it comes to this fellow Romney. For example, he had one of those secret Swiss bank accounts for a while. Now, I can understand a person wanting to switch banks, now that so many of them are treating their customers like milk cows. The Barlow Bank and Trust wants to charge me a fee for everything except combing my own hair. When I was there the other day I asked them why don't they go ahead and put a turnstile on the door. They acted like their feelings were hurt.
"And I can understand that if a fellow manages to put together a little extra money he might want to keep it out of sight, so the in-laws don't get notions. But Switzerland? Millie says there must have been something funny about the money if he wanted to hide it that way. I don't know if I'd go that far, but it sure doesn't look very good, man running for president putting money in a foreign bank. Are they giving away cellphones or something over there when you open a new account?
"Also, I read in The Clarion that one of Romney's old business partners has written a book saying the super-rich are doing the rest of us a favor by being so well off. They only spend part of their money on themselves, he says, and they invest the rest of it in ways that make new opportunities for everybody else.
"I'm not any kind of economist, so I'm sure I can't follow the ins and outs of all that he says in his book. But I do notice that rich folks are apt to live pretty high on the hog, so maybe they're enjoying their money at least a little bit. It seems to me that if some of them were willing to do without quite so many houses, cars and boats, they might be able to spread around even more opportunity.
"Anyhow, I'll bet Romney will wish his friend hadn't chosen right now to publish his book, because for little folks like me it sounds mighty selfish and fat-headed. Sort of like the guy doesn't really understand ordinary people.
"But I was talking about Millie and the library bunch. Oh, my goodness, what a mess. Millie has a pretty sharp tongue when she gets wound up, and she finally aggravated Orlo Babcock. He owns the tractor dealership out on the bypass. He said she didn't respect the free enterprise system, and maybe he ought to take an extra look at the library's financials to make sure she was running the place like a proper business.
"I guess he must have jumped on Millie pretty bad, and that aggravated Floyd from the elevator and Scooter from the cafe. They told Orlo they worked hard for their money, and thought they had a pretty close acquaintance with the real-life side of the free enterprise system, and anyway what the hell did running a business have to do with operating a tax-paid public service ?
"Orlo called them free-spending do-gooders. Then the whole board started taking sides. The fight took off from there, and now it's got a life all its own. I think they may even have forgotten what started the whole thing. They fight over the rug lint.
"Trouble is, while they're fighting, nothing else gets done. They're getting close to the time when they have to agree on next year's library budget, and if they don't meet the deadline they'll have to shut the place down. Bang! Just close the doors.
"That's when I made my mistake. I decided to sit down with Orlo and try to talk some sense. Even though he's pretty much of a big shot now, I've known him since we were in 4-H together and I taught him how to worm a horse.
"So I got together with Orlo and just laid it right out plain. I guess maybe I was pretty blunt. I said, Orlo, look here. Y'all are not keeping your obligations. You need to quit fighting and take care of proper business.
"He said I didn't understand the principle of the thing. I said, Orlo, the principle of the thing is that you folks are supposed to be doing a job for the public, not strutting your pet notions.
"Well, even on his best days, Orlo is the kind of fellow who can strut sitting down. He didn't listen to me, much less try to talk good sense to the others. They have gone right on fighting, and letting their proper business go to the dogs.
"Millie says they are acting just like the U.S. Congress, and in Millie's book that's just about the worst thing you can say about a group of people. She says we ought to throw all of them out and vote in a new bunch.
"I'm not sure if she was talking about the library bunch or the Congress. Could pretty easy be both, come to think of it.
"I hope this letter finds you well, and that things are going smoother up there in the city than they are out here where I live.
"Sincerely,
"Your Uncle Barlow"
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